THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL

🎙️ Episode 5: The Illusion of Control

“You don’t need to control everything—just know what to do when life goes off-script.”

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

Why the idea of control is a comforting lie we tell ourselves – and how it shows up in your everyday decisions.

The difference between control and influence, and how understanding this could be the key to your freedom.

How trying to control your finances can actually keep you broke – and how to shift into strategic action instead.

How control-based thinking hijacks your mental clarity – and why overthinking leads to decision paralysis and burnout.

How emotional control wrecks your relationships – and what real emotional intelligence actually looks like.

The science and psychology behind why humans crave control – and why your brain sees uncertainty as a threat, even when it’s not.

How to stop gripping so hard and start adapting like the most successful people do – practical tools you can implement straight away.

Your personal challenge for the week – one small thing to let go of to build real confidence and mental strength.

FIND LISA N EDWARDS & MORE:
LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/LisaNEdwards
Lisa's Website: https://lisanedwards.com/
Getting Started In Crypto: https://gettingstartedincrypto.com/paid-signals/ref/2001/?campaign=Podcast

Transcript

 I'm looking for a woman in finance. Crypto, five four, amber eyes. I'm looking for a woman in finance with crypto. Five, four, amber eyes. I'm looking for a woman in finance. Crypto, five four, amber eyes. I'm looking for a woman in finance. Crypto, five four, amber eyes. I'm looking for a woman in finance. Crypto, five, four.

Amber eyes. I'm looking for a woman in finance. Crypto five four amber eyes. I'm looking for a woman in finance. Crypto five four Amber. I'm looking for a woman in finance. Crypto five four amber eyes. UNCHARTED Let's go. 

 You've heard it over the last four episodes. Uncharted isn't your average podcast. I'm Lisa N. Edwards, a crypto trader, investor, and entrepreneur. With 25 years in traditional markets and in crypto since the beginning from bull runs to bursts, scams to success, I've built five multimillion dollar businesses and lived through chaos, not just in crypto, but in Hollywood too.

Australia's Hollywood Uncharted is where we tear up the map and dive into the psychology of money, the truth about trading, and how to hack the system to live on your terms. If you're ready to challenge everything you've been told about wealth success, welcome back. This is uncharted. Let's get started.

 Uncharted Let's go.

 In this episode of Uncharted, we dive deep into the illusion of control. The idea that many people believe they have control over their lives, decisions and outcomes, when in reality they don't. I think they're a little bit delusional to think they do. So we'll explore why humans crave control, how this belief shapes our behaviors and how the attempt to control others and external circumstances can be damaging.

Ultimately, I'm challenging you to rethink your relationship with control and embrace a different approach to life. So let's kick things off with a question. Do you really have control over your life? If you are nodding along and thinking, yeah, of course I do. I hate to break it to you, but that's just your brain lying to you.

Your brain often lies to you. So let's be honest. Control is a bit of a lie. We tell ourselves, we like to think we're steering the ship, mapping out every move, and shaping our destiny like some kind of life architect. But if you've ever tried to plan your future down to the tiniest detail, even a holiday only for life to turn around and slap you with a plot twist, then you are already.

To know the truth. Most of us don't have nearly as much control as we think, and yet we clinging to it. Why? That's a terrifying thing, because the idea of letting go of not knowing, of trusting that things will work out well. We'd rather just exhaust ourselves trying to micromanage life than accept the uncertainty that is part of the deal.

But here's a real kicker. The harder we try to control everything, the more we suffer financially, mentally, and emotionally. So in this episode, we're breaking it all down. Why control is an illusion, how it messes with your life, and how shifting from control to adaptability can put you in the driver's seat.

What about financial control? Why trying to time everything is a losing game. So let's start with money, because if there's one thing people really want to control, it's their financial future. We're told to be smart with our money. Invest wisely. Make calculated moves. And look, I'm all for strategy. I've written a book about one, become a millionaire in a year, but there's a fine line between making informed decisions and convincing yourself.

That you can outsmart randomness, because that's what it's all about, adapting to randomness. So take the crypto market for example. I'm in that every day in my group getting started in crypto.com. So ever meet someone who swears they can predict the perfect entry in exit points? I do, but they obsess over the charts.

Refresh their trading app every two minutes and hang on to every piece of financial news like it's gospel. They think they're in the control, but in reality, the market doesn't care about your gut feelings. They're winning strategies or they're anxiety fueled late night Google searches. So that's where money management comes in.

But this isn't about that. So even the best traders in the world don't control the market, they manage risk. They adapt, they play probabilities, not certainties. The ones who lose big they're usually the ones who think they can control the unpredictable system, and it's not just investing. The obsession with control spills over into every financial decision you make.

You are every, you ever delay a move because you are waiting for the perfect mo moment. Maybe you wanna start a business, buy a house, or invest in something new, but you're paralyzed because you think there's a right time and a wrong time. Truth bomb. There's no right time. There really isn't. There just is.

So it is not just investing. Think about how many people delay financial decisions because they're waiting for the right time. I'll start a business when the economy settles. I'll invest in the market when it's safer. I'll buy a property when the prices drop. So here's a news flash. There is no perfect time.

The only time we ever have is now the people who build wealth aren't the well ones who control every factor. They're the ones who navigate uncertainty and take smart risks despite it. So here's the million dollar question. Are you holding yourself back financially because you're trying to control something that's impossible to control?

Because while you're waiting for certainty, someone else is taking action. The people who build wealth aren't the ones who control every outcome. They're the ones who take the losses as well. They're the ones who learn to navigate uncertainty, who take action despite not knowing exactly how things are going to unfold.

Trying to control everything financially doesn't make you richer. It makes you stuck. So mental control and how overthinking hijacks your brain is something so fascinating. So now let's talk about the mental toll of control and obsession, because if you are always trying to manage every little detail of your life.

Your mind is probably working over time. Ever feel like your brain just won't shut up. There's a constant loop of what ifs running in the background. What if I make the right decision? What if I make the wrong decision? What if things don't go the way I want? What if I fail? That's the control illusion at work.

Your mind trying to predict every possible outcome so you don't get blindsided. And here's where that gets dangerous, because the more you try to control, the less adaptable you become. Instead of moving with life, you resist it. So go back to the earlier one where we, this is water, so we need to live. As if we're going through water, we move with tides, we move with the flow.

So you plan en endlessly, second guess yourself and stress over things that aren't even happening yet. And all that overthinking is burning through your energy, like a dodgy old car running on fumes. It doesn't get you anywhere. So studies show that def. Decision fatigue is real. The more we try to micromanage our choices, the worse we get at making good ones.

So that's why people who let go of good control or just of control, who trust themselves, who stay adaptable, actually make better decisions. They're not caught up in the what ifs. They're focused on what's next. And if you want peace of mind, stop trying to predict the future. And start trusting yourself to handle whatever happens.

That's where real mental freedom lives. The illusion of control in everyday life. So we've all got this sneaky little belief that if we just try hard enough, push the right buttons, plan meticulously, life will bend to our will. Yeah, nah, I don't think it works that way. As much as I've tried to do that, it just doesn't happen.

So at work, you reckon micromanaging every little detail means your team won't stuff up. So meanwhile, they're just nodding along and mentally planning their weekend. So you are like talking to a brick wall and I know that has happened to me. And in relationships. Ever tried to fix a partner and maybe thought, Hey, I'm Bob the builder.

If I just explain it differently, they'll finally see it my way, and that just ends in a negative loop of toxic, Ugh. I'm not even going to swear there, but you know what I was gonna say. So good luck with that. It's like trying to teach a cat to fetch. Yeah, sure. They'll run after the bull, but they'll never bring it back.

So with our health, we kale for a week and expect to wake up with a six pack if you've, we've all got that friend. We've literally all got that friend. But the moment we have one Tim Tam, we act like we've thrown the whole diet into the bin and. Traffic lights and lanes. So this is something that I like to think I have control over, but obviously I don't, 'cause I've written it in here.

Ever changed lanes in traffic and thinking this will be faster only to watch the car you were behind, cruise past, while you are stuck behind the learner driver, that's the universe laughing at you. Yep. It is, it's sore. You do that, it's sore, that you're gonna be late, and it's just laughing at you now. So you have no control and emotional control while holding on too tight pushes people away.

This is the big one, how this obsession with control plays out emotionally. Because if you've ever tried to control a relationship. A friendship, all your own emotions. You already know it doesn't work. People just can't be controlled. I know I hate being controlled, and if somebody comes up and they're trying to control me, I do the opposite.

So it just never works. So if you ever been in that relationship. You really wanted it to work out. So you started over analyzing every little thing. This is me. Maybe you thought I just explained that better. They'll understand. I'll just do everything right. They won't leave. If you just control how this plays out.

I can make this work. I can fix this. But what happens the more you try to control, the more it backfires. People don't like being controlled. I'll say that again. People don't like being controlled. They don't like to feel that they're part of some grandma master planned. They want to be chosen, not manipulated.

And let's talk about emotions because a lot of us think if we just try hard enough. We can control how we feel. We tell ourselves, I shouldn't be sad, I shouldn't feel anxious. I should be able to let this go. I should be able to move on. But emotions don't work like that. They can't just flick a switch and decide to be happy.

The more you resist an emotion, the stronger it digs in. You need to sit in these things and let them process that is letting go of control. So our brains are obsessed with control. They want things neat, predictable, safe, ordered. The second things feel out of whack. Our mental alarm bells start ringing louder than a fire drill.

Evacuate. And it all comes back to evolution. So control equals survival. So back in the caveman days, control was life or death. It's not like that anymore. So if you could predict where the predators were, where to find food, which berries wouldn't turn your insides into a crime scene you had a much better shot of staying alive.

I. So we hate uncertainty. So fast forward to now, and while we're no longer running from Saber tooth Tigers, our brains still freak out from the unknown. So a dodgy text from your boss, a weird noise in your car, the crypto market, doing that thing again where Bitcoin dumps the whole entire market because it has a red day.

Boom, instant anxiety. You're over committed. You're overthinking. You are over, whatever. Our brain doesn't care whether it's a lion or a late night email. It just knows uncertainty equals danger, and that's why we try to control everything. We think. It keeps us safe. We built society on the idea of control.

The whole world runs on rules, laws, traditions, because deep, deep down, we all agreed, Hey, let's make things less chaotic so we don't completely lose the plot. So we're not all the crazy people here. So road rules to stop people from driving like maniacs. Most of them, not all of them. Marriage and contracts are just fancy ways of saying, we'd like a bit of certainty.

Please, if I sign this, you're never gonna leave. Governments and businesses and even religions are built on the idea that someone is in charge, even if that's debatable. And here's the kicker, it's all a bit of a lie. Because even with all these systems in place, the world is still unpredictable.

Your job isn't guaranteed. Your relationships can change, and you can wear a seatbelt and still get hit by a rogue shopping trolley in the Woolly's car park. So control versus influence. Where do we draw the line? This is where it gets interesting. Let me just take a sip of my tea so I can actually talk.

All right, so control is trying to force an outcome. Influence is understanding what's within your power and working with it. But when you stop to control how you should feel, instead of just let yourself feel it without judgment, without fighting it, it actually moves through faster. So trying to control people make simple away, trying to control emotions, it makes them more intense.

Trying to control every outcome. It makes life feel like a never ending battle. So let go just a little, see what happens. So what's the alternative? How do you actually let go? So let's be clear. Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It means shifting from control. Control to influence. So instead of thinking, how do I control this system?

Situation, ask, what can I influence instead of how do I stop bad things from happening? Ask how do I handle them when they do, instead of how do I make sure this goes my way? Ask, how do I stay adaptable no matter what happens? That's the real power, that's real control. Not forcing life to obey your plan, but trusting that no matter what comes, you'll know what to do.

So you are challenge. This week, let go just a little. I'm not saying go full hippie and sell up. Go and get a van. Travel around the world. But you can let life carry you wherever the wind blows. Just pick one thing, you're gripping too tightly and loosen your hold. So if you always plan everything, try leaving some room for spontaneity.

If you micromanage, trust someone else to handle it. If you overthink decisions, make one quickly and move on and see what happens. Does life fall apart? Probably not. Do you suddenly feel lighter? I bet you do because that decision and that choice and you trying to control everything. We set ourselves up for so much stress, frustration, and disappointment.

But when we focus on influence, our actions mindset and adaptability, we actually gain more power. You can't control the wind. But you can adjust your sail. I love that saying, and look, at the end of the day, life's a bit like a Kenny Rogers song. You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

So that just basically means know when to stop trying to micromanage the entire universe. So next time you find yourself clutching onto it. Control like a seagull with a hot chip. Take it back. Take that step back and ask yourself, am I trying to control something that's out of my hands or can I shift my focus to what I can actually influence?

Because the moment you let go of false control, you actually get something even better. Freedom. So the illusion of control and where we think we have power but don't. Let's have an ex like explore that because in there somewhere there's some freedom. So we are about to get real. We love to think we're in control, but most of the time we're just along for the ride.

So watch out for that dodgy shopping trolley at w Woolies. You think you're steering it, but really it's got a mind of your its own. It always has the dodgy wheel. Doesn't matter which trolley you pick, you'll get the one with the dodgy wheel veering off into the canned goods when you are aiming for the dairy aisle.

So why do we keep convincing ourselves that we've got things handled? Why do we think that we're the puppet masters when half the time we are just hoping the strings don't snap. So let's break down some of the ways our brain absolutely stitch us up with the illusion of control. So how our brains trick us into something we're trying to change is like we're our brains are like dodgy salespeople constantly flogging us the idea that we are in control, when in reality we are just making educated guesses and hoping for the best.

So here are some of the best cons. The control fallacy thinking it's all on you. This is that little voice in your head that makes you think everything happening around you is somehow you are doing that. You are some sort of God and you controlling everything. So you make this in a foul mood.

It must be because you said something, your business deal fell through. Maybe you should have worn a power blazer. You didn't have the lucky card in your pocket or something like that. But reality check, some things have nothing to do with you. Other people have their own stuff going on, and the world does not revolve around whether you replied to a text message fast enough.

That's not to say we don't have some influence, but thinking you control every outcome that's fast track to stress, anxiety. And probably a drinking problem. If you're micromanaging, you're not in control. You're just annoying.

 You know that person that says, oh my God, I'm in this relationship and I can change them. Newsflash, you cannot, sweetheart, I'm sorry. You cannot change anyone. You can not control them enough that they will do everything that you want them to do. That's just not how life works. And the classic relationship trap thinking you can fix somebody.

Get out of the mindset that you're Bob the builder. They'll change once they see how much I love them though, I just need to explain it better. And they'll finally understand, stop being a walking red flag. If I just give them time. It's no. If someone doesn't wanna change, nothing you do will make the difference.

Save yourself the heartbreak and find someone who doesn't need fixing. You are not Bob the builder. Let people fix themselves and focus on what you can control. Can you be okay with that? Seriously. As much as we love to believe that we're in the driver's seat, life has a way of reminding us we're just along for the ride.

So here's the part people don't want to hear. Life is unpredictable. The economy can collapse overnight. We saw that in 2020. We saw that in 2008 covid happened. That all turned our lives upside down. You can eat a healthy snack and still get sick. Covid again, shut down the world in just weeks. Nobody saw that coming.

So you can do everything right and still get blindsided. So does that mean that we just give up and let chaos win? I say no. It means we adapt. Because here's the secret, control is overrated, but flexibility is priceless. So back to Kenny Rogers, know when to hold him, know when to fold him, so he was onto something.

The key to life isn't controlling everything. It's knowing when to step back and roll with it. You don't control the market, but you do control how much risk you take. You don't control other people. But you control how you respond. You don't control the world, but you do control your mindset. So the next time you catch yourself clinging to control like a seagull, ask yourself, am I actually in charge here or am I just pretending?

What can I influence and what do I need to let go of? Because the moment you stop fighting for control and stop focusing on. What you can do, life gets easier.

And if you want that life, your life to get easier, just keep thinking, am I actually in charge here or am I just pretending? What can I influence and what do I need to let go of? What decisions do I need to make? And just roll with when maybe they don't go exactly as planned. Because the moment you stop fighting for control and start focusing on what you can do, life is about to get a whole lot easier.

So what's next? Absolutely, positively letting go of control without completely losing the plot and stick around for that one. And as Kenny Rogers said, you've gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run. Because the moment you stop trying to control the ride, that's when you actually start enjoying the journey.

So here's to no control, or probably a little bit of control is okay, but here's to. Letting go of control. A really good book that I read recently was Mel Robbins. Let Them Theory, and that's basically everything that I've said here and it's worth listening to an audible if you don't wanna read or grab it at your favorite bookstore, because it was absolutely amazing and it did change the way that I thought about control and.

I've been putting that in practice because when you let people be who they are and show you who they are, it's actually very empowering and it makes you feel a lot more comfortable with who you are and who they are because you actually can see who that person is and that they're not showing up as the person you want them to be.

So yeah. If you have enjoyed this episode, please click the links and give me five stars. That would be lovely. And all of my details are on my link tree, which is just below. So please come and say hello. I'm on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and you'll find me inside getting started in crypto.com most days.

And if you'd like to trade for free, please jump on the site and we've got a special deal right now. Thank you for listening. This has been uncharted and I will be back again next week. Bye.

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 I'm looking for a woman in finance. Crypto five four amber eyes. Uncharted Let's go.